Many of us have had
that recurring nightmare where we’re standing in front of an audience
about to give a speech when we realise we’re naked. It is one that wakes
us up in a sweat and one that we hope we will not encounter as we go to
sleep. It seems then that we all harbour a certain fear of being naked,
and by definition it leaves us exposed and on display.
However this fear is much worse for some than for others. While only the largest exhibitionist would feel confident to run around in public completely nude, we should all feel able to be naked with our partners and to let them see us in our entirety in private. Unfortunately the case and for some people, being naked is literally terrifying. If that describes you, then there is a large chance that it is getting in the way of your intimate relationships and could even be putting a strain on your sex life. Some people can not even get changed in public changing rooms and feel they have to hide away from even their own children – which runs the risk of passing the irrational fear on to them.
We were all born naked and once that was the way we lived back in the wild. However in modern society we are taught to cover up, and this conditions us to learn that naked = bad. Thus it can feel very unnatural for others to see us un-garbed. At the same time images in the media of scantily clad men and women with firm abs and air brushed fat lead us to feel dissatisfied with our own bodies which often pale in comparison simply due to the fact that they are real. This is of course exacerbated for those of us who have certain experiences that have made us more insecure about the shapes of our body – perhaps someone has laughed at us while we were naked, or made a harsh comment – and for those who are particularly put off by the site of themselves naked, those who are overweight, or perhaps those who have some kind of irregularity about their body (such as an overt scar or birth mark).
If this is the case then it might have reached almost phobic-like severity which makes it important that you address the issue. To go about this you need to change the way you are thinking in order to regain perspective on the situation. You might for example find that when getting changed in public changing rooms you feel as though everyone is looking at you and judging you. This is an irrational thought as most people in the changing room will simply be focussing on getting themselves changed – probably also feeling insecure. Furthermore, even if they were judging you, why would it matter? You would never see them again.
Likewise for bedroom scenarios you might be thinking that your partner will be instantly repulsed and leave you upon seeing you naked. Again though this is an irrational fear – already they must have a fairly strong idea of what you look like underneath from your clothes and your arms etc. Similarly, if they have been with you for a fairly long amount of time then they certainly are not going to leave you because you are a bit fatter than you thought. Chances are they are more likely to get unhappy about not being able to see their partner naked which will inevitably diminish the romance and sexual chemistry in the relationship.
What you need to do then is to think about the contents of your own thoughts and how they might be irrational. You then need to replace these damaging and negative false beliefs with the new ones. Rather than repeating ‘they are all looking at me’ to yourself in the shower room then, start repeating ‘I do not care what they think’ or ‘they are too busy washing themselves to care what I look like’.
If you struggle to do this yourself then you can get help from therapy. This form of therapy, where you consciously try to change the contents of your thoughts and to eradicate negative thoughts and beliefs is called ‘CBT’ or ‘Cognitive Behavioural Therapy’. Here you will be taught to be ‘mindful’ and to observe the contents of your own mind, while at the same time learning how you can replace your thoughts with newer healthier ones.
However this fear is much worse for some than for others. While only the largest exhibitionist would feel confident to run around in public completely nude, we should all feel able to be naked with our partners and to let them see us in our entirety in private. Unfortunately the case and for some people, being naked is literally terrifying. If that describes you, then there is a large chance that it is getting in the way of your intimate relationships and could even be putting a strain on your sex life. Some people can not even get changed in public changing rooms and feel they have to hide away from even their own children – which runs the risk of passing the irrational fear on to them.
We were all born naked and once that was the way we lived back in the wild. However in modern society we are taught to cover up, and this conditions us to learn that naked = bad. Thus it can feel very unnatural for others to see us un-garbed. At the same time images in the media of scantily clad men and women with firm abs and air brushed fat lead us to feel dissatisfied with our own bodies which often pale in comparison simply due to the fact that they are real. This is of course exacerbated for those of us who have certain experiences that have made us more insecure about the shapes of our body – perhaps someone has laughed at us while we were naked, or made a harsh comment – and for those who are particularly put off by the site of themselves naked, those who are overweight, or perhaps those who have some kind of irregularity about their body (such as an overt scar or birth mark).
If this is the case then it might have reached almost phobic-like severity which makes it important that you address the issue. To go about this you need to change the way you are thinking in order to regain perspective on the situation. You might for example find that when getting changed in public changing rooms you feel as though everyone is looking at you and judging you. This is an irrational thought as most people in the changing room will simply be focussing on getting themselves changed – probably also feeling insecure. Furthermore, even if they were judging you, why would it matter? You would never see them again.
Likewise for bedroom scenarios you might be thinking that your partner will be instantly repulsed and leave you upon seeing you naked. Again though this is an irrational fear – already they must have a fairly strong idea of what you look like underneath from your clothes and your arms etc. Similarly, if they have been with you for a fairly long amount of time then they certainly are not going to leave you because you are a bit fatter than you thought. Chances are they are more likely to get unhappy about not being able to see their partner naked which will inevitably diminish the romance and sexual chemistry in the relationship.
What you need to do then is to think about the contents of your own thoughts and how they might be irrational. You then need to replace these damaging and negative false beliefs with the new ones. Rather than repeating ‘they are all looking at me’ to yourself in the shower room then, start repeating ‘I do not care what they think’ or ‘they are too busy washing themselves to care what I look like’.
If you struggle to do this yourself then you can get help from therapy. This form of therapy, where you consciously try to change the contents of your thoughts and to eradicate negative thoughts and beliefs is called ‘CBT’ or ‘Cognitive Behavioural Therapy’. Here you will be taught to be ‘mindful’ and to observe the contents of your own mind, while at the same time learning how you can replace your thoughts with newer healthier ones.
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